I WAS IN AUSTIN SO I SHOULD HAVE EXPECTED THIS, still, I was caught off-guard…. I was paying for a meal to a very nice cashier. Like I do at most establishments, I gave her a million-dollar bill Gospel tract. You know what that is, don’t you? It looks like a real million-dollar bill, (if there were such a thing), but on the back, it has a 165-word presentation of the good news of Jesus Christ. What made this bill especially appealing was that it had the image of Michael Jackson on the front. C’mon, who wouldn’t want one? I then paid real cash for the items ordered and sat down.
A few minutes later, in the middle of eating a taco called The Democrat, (I eat Democrats for lunch, too), a twenty-something, pony-tailed manager came over to scold me. “You know, it’s not cool to try to pay for your meal with fake money.” I gently explained that I wasn’t paying for my meal, I was giving the cashier a Gospel tract. Not necessarily blessed by my answer, he walked away.
Next, the cashier herself came to my table. “That’s what’s wrong with this country,” she complained, “it’s people like you who want everyone else to believe what you believe. I’m an atheist and don’t believe in God.” Then I made a huge faux pas: I laughed. Heartily. I didn’t mean to, really. It. Just. Came. Out. The unbelieving lady furrowed her brow and spat, “Are you laughing at me?”
“No. No! I’m not laughing at you.” Before I could explain, she fled. I wasn’t laughing at her; her comment just struck me as ridiculously funny: “…what’s wrong with this country…it’s people like you who want everyone else to believe what you believe.”
It’s silly, because if people believed like I believed, then we would have less of the Harvey Weinstein Effect; Hugh Hefner porn would not be tolerated. A Vegas concert could be enjoyed, Home Depot trucks used for hauling and churches would remain safe havens for the poor in spirit, not shooting ranges.
What is it I believe?
The Babylon Bee, a very sardonic website, said it best with sobering satire entitled “Surgeon General Recommends Nation Turn to Jesus”
WASHINGTON, D.C.—During a special address from the White House Monday, United States Surgeon General Jerome Adams strongly urged the nation’s citizens to turn to Jesus Christ at once or risk irreversible damage to their health and well-being.
“We’re all sick, every one of us. We need Jesus so badly,” Adams explained, going on to describe how the Great Physician can and will heal the souls of all who turn to Him for refuge and forgiveness of sins made possible by the shedding of His innocent blood.
“As your Surgeon General, I cannot stress enough how important it is for you to turn from your sin and embrace the Savior, Jesus Christ, the Lord of Lords and the One who created and knows you. And when you do, your sin will be counted as His, paid for on the cross—and His righteousness will be counted as yours, though you did nothing to deserve it, and you will be made eternally well,” Adams further advised.
He went on to describe the earthly benefits of knowing Christ, including the precipitous drop in violence, malice, selfishness, lust, hatred, and a host of other horrible maladies that would result from a widespread acceptance of Jesus as Lord and Savior in America.
“Oh, how this country needs Jesus. Have mercy on us, Lord,” he added.
Yeah, the problem ain’t that I want people to believe what I believe; it’s that not enough people believe what I believe. And one more problem: Those who do believe, well, they don’t tell anybody, believe me.